An Irishman goes into a bar and orders a drink.
After a bit of friendly chat, the bartender asks, “ Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?”
“Neither,” replies the Irishman, “I’m a Jew.”
The bartender says, “ Well then, are you a Catholic Jew or a Protestant Jew?”
A Texan walked into a pub in Dublin and loudly challenged people to a drinking challenge.
An Irishman asked, “What’s your challenge?”
The Texan “I challenge you to drink 10 pints get off the barstool, walk out the door, then come back in and sit back down without stumbling. If you can I’ll give you a thousand dollars”
The Irishman got up and left the pub and the Texan started laughing “Well, I guess that the stories about how good the Irish are at drinking are just that STORIES!!!”
15 minutes later the Irishman walked back into the pub and the Texan was still there, “Hey Yank is that challenge still good?”
The Texan said, “Yes, but what made you change your mind?”
“Oh that?” the Irishman grinned, “I went to the pub down the street to see if I could do as you challenged.”
The Texan just handed the money to the Irishman.
Two nuns, Bridget and Theresa were on their bikes heading back to the convent in Dublin one night.
“Oh my God Theresa, will ye look at the time! Mother Superior will kill us if we’re late back again!”
“Don’t worry” said Theresa, “I know a shortcut” and she turned down an old dark side street.
They’re riding along for a while when Bridget says “I’ve never come this way before.”
“Ah” says Theresa, “that’ll be the cobblestones.”
Many years ago, Belfast zoo got their first tiger and he. Was. Pissed.
Every day he’d pace back and forth in his enclosure, snarling at visitors and every night he’d complain to his neighbour, giraffe.
“I fucking hate it here, I’m going to escape and never come back, just you watch me!”
Well after months of pacing and snarling and failed attempts to jump the gate or climb the walls he finally managed to use his claws to pick the lock on his enclosure and he was free!!!!
“Fuck you giraffe” he yelled as he sprinted out of the zoo
“Fuck you, elephants, I’m out of here!!!!”
And he was gone.
Less than a week later giraffe was woken up by sounds from Tiger’s enclosure, looking over she saw that tiger was not only back but he was dragging heavy objects over to block the door to his enclosure.
“Hullo” said giraffe “what happened to fuck you all I’m gone?”
Tiger flinched and looked round at her and she saw that he looked terrible, his fur was ragged and singed, half his whiskers missing.
Staring at her out of wide, bloodshot eyes Tiger said
“This place might be shite, but you have no idea how bad it is being black AND orange in Belfast!!!!”
